Posted by: Will | July 14, 2008

Sport Drinks, Protein And GU!

While I mull over the perfect site design for the website I still want to keep up with the blog portion. So today I will be reviewing some of my favorite and least favorite sport drinks, protein bars and shakes for reading pleasure. I know what you are thinking and no, I’m not the guy at the office that drinks Myoplex shakes and eats Powerbars all day long just to show everyone I am health conscious. But I do require some energy boosts and short cuts to ingesting the right amount of protein after lifting weights. I refuse to eat two dozen eggs a day.

They have finally done it! They have made a sports drink that was designed especially for me. The company Function prides themselves in making these drinks that are designed by physicians to combat what most of us deal with on a daily basis. My favorite of the selection is the Urban Detox. The “function” of this drink is to cleanse the lungs and sinuses from pollutants that are ingested while running around a smog filled environment. It does this by using a super antioxidant called NAC and prickly pear fruit extract. Not only does it do that they also boast it cures hangovers. Sold!

They have quite a selection, each with different functions. I have tried them all and as sceptical as I was to the validity of their design, they have won me over. I can honestly say I have felt a whole lot better since I have started drinking these as a part of my morning routine and it is not psychosomatic. Not only have my lungs and sinuses felt clearer but my Wednesday night after work beers haven’t slowed me up a bit on Thursday morning. Check them out at

Gee, protein shakes have come a long way in the past ten to fifteen years. I remember drinking them in high school and it was everything I could do just to choke down one packet of 40g protein Myoplex shake. Of course back then I was a 150 pound teenager that shouldn’t have ingested 40 grams of anything because the human body can only process so much. Today, I am older and a little wiser to what I put in my stomach and I know that if a shake is so thick that it stalls a blender, I had better not to drink it. Luckily today we have better choices of where we get our supplement protein because lets face it, drinking raw eggs like Rocky makes anyone with any sense throw up in their mouth.

I will be honest, I am the laziest person in the word when it comes to preparing protein shakes. It’s a messy process that requires a blender. No shaker or hand stirring motion can break up the lumps of powder that will make a goat sick when chugging down a chocolate supplement shake. No, you have to have a blender for this and I guess that is why I am not a huge fan of the EAS Myoplex brand. I require easy, quick and a clean preparation if I am going to drink something with that much protein and no matter what Myoplex boasts, it has never mastered the easy mixing solution that I need. Plus it has so many ingredients you never know what you are really drinking. I mean, the FDA label says it is giving you 60% of your daily copper requirement. Copper? This product is really for the die hard weight lifters who have the time to measure minuet things like copper levels or appropriate calorie counts of the tens of thousands. Plus, those guys shit like six times a day and that alone makes me never want to be like that. Seriously, is this a good look?

Don’t get me wrong, EAS is a great company and they have been one of the leaders in supplement research and design. I just think for people who work full time but exercise in a serious fashion, the Myoplex Meal Replacement shakes might be an overkill. It is expensive, hard to prep and sometimes it is hard to drink. But that is just my opinion.

Now this is more my speed. I lurve Cytosport Muscle Milk not only because it tastes great but it is easy to prepare. It dissolves much like those Carnation Instant Breakfast shakes and I find that pretty incredible due to the fact it has over 20 grams of protein per serving. It’s design is inspired from a human mother’s milk ( I try not to think too hard about….gross) which has a higher complex of amino acids and peptides that burn fat as it increases muscle growth. Why does that matter? Simple. Every time you lift weights tiny muscle fibers rip and the protein elements rebuild them making them leaner and stronger. During that process lactic acids can build up in the afflicted area causing soreness. Muscle milk’s complex blend of peptides and different amino acids combat that process giving you shorter recovery time and tighter muscles. In short, you get ripped faster. So be sure to drink your Ovaltine. And by Ovaltine I mean Muscle Milk. Check the out at!

It is GU! Every time I take one of these things I feel like Ivan Draco and I am training with the help of pure Soviet science. It comes in a cool space pouch and it is a shot of energy like no other. I love these things because I am a man of extremes. If I run, I run fast. If I lift, I lift hard. If I drink beer, I drink beer hard and fast. So to keep up with that aggressiveness I need to have a mid-stride boost and nothing boosts harder or faster than GU.

If you can get past the texture this is a great energy supplement. The problem is that when you need a pick-me-up, you are usually at the point of exhaustion and the last thing you want is to squeeze hot pudding in your mouth. But other than that, there isn’t a drawback to GU. Nowhere else can you find a more portable and powerful kick in the rump. The one thing people should know is that GU, especially the new Roctane packs, contain a lot of caffeine so be careful of your heart and exercising in high temperatures because caffeine tends to complicate things a little.

Oh yes, Clif the hippie bars! I have always been a fan of Clif bars because they really prided themselves on being 100% organic, soy, tree hugging, peace and loving outdoors, bar of goodness and there is a part of me that really digs that. But I never considered them as anything more than an emergency ration while hiking up in the Sierra’s or Yellowstone. That is until recently when I found out about builder bars and my whole opinion changed about Clif.

These are really great little bars that pack 20 grams of soy protein which is a little bit more fatty than whey, which you find in shakes. But with the fatty bad also comes the good because this little bar is full of organic goodness, fiber and 23 vitamins making it a great pre-workout bar that is not very big at all. Oh yeah, it also has a high melt factor too. So don’t keep in your glove compartment like I did. Choco-fingers which led to choco-dash, which led to choco-steering wheel which then lead to choco-shirt.

Posted by: Will | July 10, 2008

From Pammy-

When this site launches (hopefully by the first week of August) I really want it to be totally interactive. By that I mean a place where people can share funny stories, problems, post videos, rant, review and brag. I have been getting a few emails already and I must say this is shaping up to be something really great. I know everyone has a story to share. I mean come on, we have all been to the meathead gyms and Barbie factories and for once, haven’t you just wanted to rip on how funny these people really look? Well, to start off on the blog section we have Pammy. I have been a big fan of her blog,Hey There, Pammy-Girl. She is funny and writes with such honesty you feel like you have known her for years. So here she is telling us about the trials and tribulations when it comes to packing a gym bag and getting acclimated to a new gym. Enjoy!

Is It Really Only Wednesday?

For years my father would complain that he was forgetful. It got to the point that before he left work or the house, I’d ask: do you have your keys? briefcase? phone? papers/homework to grade? jacket? I found it amusing, until recently. As I’ve reached my mid-30s, I’m realizing that things don’t work as well as they used to and it’s killing me. I like to put things in a specific place where I can always find them (like keys) but I always talk myself out of that and put them someplace obvious but apparently is not.

This morning was Day 1 at my new gym. I’ve been working out at 5:30 am for about 10 years and while getting up that early can be jarring, I tend to have more energy and am more apt to get my work out done than if I wait until after work. Something happens around 5 pm that isn’t good: I’m too tired to exercise, I’m hungry, if I’ve had a bad day I’m crabby, too many people are in the gym at that time, I’ve usually got plans after work and then I’ll have to make a choice between working out or something else (and working out will most definitely lose). But I digress.

I’ve never ever showered and gotten ready for the day at the gym as I’ve always gone home before heading off to work. That doesn’t make sense this time around since the gym is on campus and therefore a mere 5 minute walk from my office and yet a 20 minute drive from home. I spent last night preparing my gym bag with all possible necessities: shampoo/conditioner, clothes, shoes, hairdryer, lotion, brush, towel, and make-up. I didn’t realize just how much stuff, time and space I need to get myself ready for the day.

Sclepping my life in a gym bag and then shoving it into a locker that’s about 6 inches wide was quite the task, following by some grunts and growls. The work out was fine as it’s a brand new, state-of-the-art facility full of lots of gadgets and everything you could think of. But the getting ready part? Not pleasant and this is where the forgetting stuff comes in. I forgot my shower shoes. An unsanitary situation in Europe where I shared bathroom facilities with 8 other people resulted in a lovely foot fungus and plantar wart. Ever since then I’m a HUGE believer in flip flops. I then noticed I neglected to bring a comb. I did have a brush, but my hair is an unruly thick mess and must be combed when wet. That, of course, didn’t happen so I’m pony-tailing it today. The lighting in the bathroom is pretty bad and I neglected to bring any of my make-up brushes. I now look like a clown.

I will continue working out in the morning but some things will change. 1. I will do my make up in my own office bathroom as the lighting is much better and I’m apparently the only person who uses that bathroom; 2. Flip flops everyday!!!; 3. I will purchase a small fridge for my office so I can each cereal and yogurt rather than walking down to the student union and eating a fried egg sandwich; and 4. I’ve got to find a GOOD place to put my keys.

Posted by: Will | July 9, 2008

Review The Shoe!

So this is the first article of the soon-to-be new site, all about the follies of fitness. I am not treating this as an epic event because, well, there is nothing epic about the first of hopefully many thousands of articles. I just want to say hold your breath, plug your nose and lets dive in. And since we are diving in we might as well be in the deep end and talk about chicks, man. (that was from The Soup) Just kidding, but I am not far off. I want to review running/training shoes today.

I am a sucker for running shoe stores. I can’t help it! I am sure there is therapy to help me but much like the difference between a drunk and an alcoholic, as long as it brings me happiness I will keeping huffing new shoe smell and measure my feet on one of these things. But I will tell you, with my affliction also comes a level of knowledge that can only be acquired by bugging the shoe store staff at 8am every Saturday. They pretend to like me.

First, lets start with the ones I own. From the Nike Shox family, this one is the BRS 1000 and as far as running shoes go I rate this one equivalent to a dump in a jar. Just about everything Nike boasted about this shoe was false. It didn’t have the support around the arch what so ever, the tongue was designed for the iPod Nano mount so it never stayed in one place but slid to the left and to the right usually about the point I enter “the zone”. Let’s see..oh yeah! The name Shox really fell a few yards short because after about mile three, I felt like I had tied two text books to the bottom of my feet. Perhaps if Nike would stop making shoes that look like race cars they could design a shoe that doesn’t run like Roosevelt. Was that too soon?

Going to a polar opposite, La Sportiva makes a fine shoe for those of you like me that prefer to haul ass on a mountain trail rather than a paved sidewalk. It’s not everyday that I can go off-roading on “righty’ and “lefty” but on the occasional weekend I do, I rock these. Well, to be honest, I rocked these but I left one on the roof of my car one fateful day. When I found out what I did, I broke out into “Amazing Grace” and I wasn’t even embarrassed that I was at a crowded Starbucks. I still have the other one today.

So I guess you can tell that I really liked these shoes. I do. I guess it can be compared to wearing Humvees on your feet. The comfort level of this shoe is off the chart. I guess it is a good thing that your feet don’t go to sleep when they are comfortable or this review would be a little different. That was lame, I know. But seriously, this is one of the most versatile shoes on the market and it will perform no matter the climate, terrain or speed. It also breaths well making it far less stinky the next day.

The New Balance 992 is another great running shoe that is a not as flashy as others by today’s standard but what it lacks in show it makes up for in support. For the longest time I was under the impression that New Balance was generally for the wide footed and since my foot is the equivalent of an Angelina Joli (long,skinny and bony) I never really gave them a fair chance until last year. The shock absorption for long distant, flat paved roads is where this shoe really makes the grade. It’s not an “off the beaten path” shoe, however. If you find your self going down a steep graveled grade you might as well be on skis. No, this shoe is the perfect shoe for flat, hot, long paved roads and it will cushion every step as if you were running on a path paved with Beanie Babies. Hey, I have been on the 95 degree A1A road in Florida and for all I know, that road was paved with Beanie Babies.

Oh yeah, this shoes doesn’t do well with beach runs. The sand will seep in from everywhere if they get salt water on them, you have to hose them off before they dry. The last ones I had dried in some contorted shape making the next day’s run a little uncomfortable.

I might be a little bias when it comes to the company INOV-8 because, ahem, I will be advertising for them on my new site so, ahem, if you like them as much as I do, ahem, you may want to check them out, ahem ahem. Excuse me, I think there is something in my throat. Anywho, the shoe above in the Inov-8 Mudclaw and I just bought a pair last week. Amazing! Seriously, they are. I can’t believe that such a light weight shoe can be so tough. It is definitely not for paved surfaces so city running is definitely out, but if you are into trail and mountain running like I am, these are the bad boys you want on Righty and Lefty.

Everything about this shoe is designed for support and foot protection. The inter webbed exterior is linked to the lace system so the shoe is literally apart of your foot. The Gortex mesh allows water to wick away but at the same time allows the foot to breath. Yes, feet need to breath. And above all the sole will stick to any surface. No more will I have to scream in terror while I race/slide out of control from a 600 foot descending mountain road. Nope, I bet I could run upside down in these. That will be for another post.

So, these are four shoes for today’s review. I am by no means an expert when it comes to what makes a shoe the best running shoe in the world but I do know that blisters, soles that fall off and broken metatarsals from weak shanks are bad things. If you read this and found it somewhat entertaining, remember, you just were entertained by shoes. Wait until my sock review comes out!

Posted by: Will | July 8, 2008

This Will Be A Website Too

So now that i am committed to starting this blog about health and fitness I have now realized the amount of time this particular task will take. So why just blog about this when I can run an actual website with real sponsors. So that is what I am doing. The blog will still be here through wordpress but I lucked out on a few investors and business opportunities that require a “dot com”.

So what can one expect? Well, you will get free picture tutorials, everything from weight lifting to swimming to running. There will be nutrition guidance and hilarious stories from anyone who will care to share. I have talked a few businesses into giving away free swag to my loyal readers and believe me, it will be better than shoelaces or power bars. Let’s see….OH! There will be video postings powered by Vimeo in HD so that will be pretty cool. Trust me, it will be cool and of course full of humor so it will not be a continuous yawn to read.

But for right this second, here is a picture of me being a tool at the gym. Believe it or not I was busted taking a picture of my reflection right after this. I, of course, faked a phone call to clear any suspicions of what I was actually doing. I guess it didn’t help that my pretend conversation included me screaming, “Sell, Sell!”.

Posted by: Will | July 7, 2008

Let Me See Your War Face

Yeah, not the most intimidating face in the world, but whatever. This was taken on the 4th of July and I was the only one not at a pool or backyard barbecue. Nope, I was the lone member in the gym.Thomas Jefferson would have wanted it this way. That’s my dedication.

One confession: I went home and drank three beers and watched “To Catch A Predator” all night. it’s the small rewards that make an hour in the gym rewarding. (I swear this blog will get going soon.)

Posted by: Will | June 23, 2008

This Is Going To Kick Ass!

I have been meaning to do this for sometime but that has been my problem, time. I think the point of Macabre Fitness is so I can chronicle and share my personal fitness activities, funny stories, successes and failures with all who care to stop by. It’s really for me though. I need to make these endeavours pubic so I can keep myself both motivated and honest. It is to easy to come home from work and get lost in “Everybody Loves Ramon” or get talked into happy hour, drinking Mich Ultra in a failed attempt to be some-what healthy. So, now it is time to turn it up a notch and get to it!

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