Posted by: Will | July 14, 2008

Sport Drinks, Protein And GU!

While I mull over the perfect site design for the website I still want to keep up with the blog portion. So today I will be reviewing some of my favorite and least favorite sport drinks, protein bars and shakes for reading pleasure. I know what you are thinking and no, I’m not the guy at the office that drinks Myoplex shakes and eats Powerbars all day long just to show everyone I am health conscious. But I do require some energy boosts and short cuts to ingesting the right amount of protein after lifting weights. I refuse to eat two dozen eggs a day.

They have finally done it! They have made a sports drink that was designed especially for me. The company Function prides themselves in making these drinks that are designed by physicians to combat what most of us deal with on a daily basis. My favorite of the selection is the Urban Detox. The “function” of this drink is to cleanse the lungs and sinuses from pollutants that are ingested while running around a smog filled environment. It does this by using a super antioxidant called NAC and prickly pear fruit extract. Not only does it do that they also boast it cures hangovers. Sold!

They have quite a selection, each with different functions. I have tried them all and as sceptical as I was to the validity of their design, they have won me over. I can honestly say I have felt a whole lot better since I have started drinking these as a part of my morning routine and it is not psychosomatic. Not only have my lungs and sinuses felt clearer but my Wednesday night after work beers haven’t slowed me up a bit on Thursday morning. Check them out at

Gee, protein shakes have come a long way in the past ten to fifteen years. I remember drinking them in high school and it was everything I could do just to choke down one packet of 40g protein Myoplex shake. Of course back then I was a 150 pound teenager that shouldn’t have ingested 40 grams of anything because the human body can only process so much. Today, I am older and a little wiser to what I put in my stomach and I know that if a shake is so thick that it stalls a blender, I had better not to drink it. Luckily today we have better choices of where we get our supplement protein because lets face it, drinking raw eggs like Rocky makes anyone with any sense throw up in their mouth.

I will be honest, I am the laziest person in the word when it comes to preparing protein shakes. It’s a messy process that requires a blender. No shaker or hand stirring motion can break up the lumps of powder that will make a goat sick when chugging down a chocolate supplement shake. No, you have to have a blender for this and I guess that is why I am not a huge fan of the EAS Myoplex brand. I require easy, quick and a clean preparation if I am going to drink something with that much protein and no matter what Myoplex boasts, it has never mastered the easy mixing solution that I need. Plus it has so many ingredients you never know what you are really drinking. I mean, the FDA label says it is giving you 60% of your daily copper requirement. Copper? This product is really for the die hard weight lifters who have the time to measure minuet things like copper levels or appropriate calorie counts of the tens of thousands. Plus, those guys shit like six times a day and that alone makes me never want to be like that. Seriously, is this a good look?

Don’t get me wrong, EAS is a great company and they have been one of the leaders in supplement research and design. I just think for people who work full time but exercise in a serious fashion, the Myoplex Meal Replacement shakes might be an overkill. It is expensive, hard to prep and sometimes it is hard to drink. But that is just my opinion.

Now this is more my speed. I lurve Cytosport Muscle Milk not only because it tastes great but it is easy to prepare. It dissolves much like those Carnation Instant Breakfast shakes and I find that pretty incredible due to the fact it has over 20 grams of protein per serving. It’s design is inspired from a human mother’s milk ( I try not to think too hard about….gross) which has a higher complex of amino acids and peptides that burn fat as it increases muscle growth. Why does that matter? Simple. Every time you lift weights tiny muscle fibers rip and the protein elements rebuild them making them leaner and stronger. During that process lactic acids can build up in the afflicted area causing soreness. Muscle milk’s complex blend of peptides and different amino acids combat that process giving you shorter recovery time and tighter muscles. In short, you get ripped faster. So be sure to drink your Ovaltine. And by Ovaltine I mean Muscle Milk. Check the out at!

It is GU! Every time I take one of these things I feel like Ivan Draco and I am training with the help of pure Soviet science. It comes in a cool space pouch and it is a shot of energy like no other. I love these things because I am a man of extremes. If I run, I run fast. If I lift, I lift hard. If I drink beer, I drink beer hard and fast. So to keep up with that aggressiveness I need to have a mid-stride boost and nothing boosts harder or faster than GU.

If you can get past the texture this is a great energy supplement. The problem is that when you need a pick-me-up, you are usually at the point of exhaustion and the last thing you want is to squeeze hot pudding in your mouth. But other than that, there isn’t a drawback to GU. Nowhere else can you find a more portable and powerful kick in the rump. The one thing people should know is that GU, especially the new Roctane packs, contain a lot of caffeine so be careful of your heart and exercising in high temperatures because caffeine tends to complicate things a little.

Oh yes, Clif the hippie bars! I have always been a fan of Clif bars because they really prided themselves on being 100% organic, soy, tree hugging, peace and loving outdoors, bar of goodness and there is a part of me that really digs that. But I never considered them as anything more than an emergency ration while hiking up in the Sierra’s or Yellowstone. That is until recently when I found out about builder bars and my whole opinion changed about Clif.

These are really great little bars that pack 20 grams of soy protein which is a little bit more fatty than whey, which you find in shakes. But with the fatty bad also comes the good because this little bar is full of organic goodness, fiber and 23 vitamins making it a great pre-workout bar that is not very big at all. Oh yeah, it also has a high melt factor too. So don’t keep in your glove compartment like I did. Choco-fingers which led to choco-dash, which led to choco-steering wheel which then lead to choco-shirt.



  1. Urban Detox is GREAT for hangovers! That’s the only time I drank it. 🙂

  2. I had a great hangover cure in highschool, it was some kind of protein shake that my mother, who used to be a female bodybuilder(strange I know) had around.
    I’d take that and a raw egg and a shot of gin and stick it in a blender.
    Thinking back it was most likely the gin killing the hangover but hey, It worked.

    Now I have a serious fitness question for you, serious fitness man:
    I am finally starting to put on some weight after being sickly thin for a couple of years but I also need to put on some muscle mass under said weight, but I don’t want to do it the wrong way, I’m thinking of some light running or elyptical for lower body and a bit of weight training.
    Any suggestions?

    And by the way, please tell me that guy up above isn’t real, I think thats the monster that was under my bed as a child.

  3. Josh, good for you man! A few years ago I got really hurt in the military and I basically couldn’t do very much for a year and that caused me to lose a lot of weight. What I did was start be doing light calistenics ie. push-ups, sit-ups, jumping jacks, pull-ups (front hand and reverse hand) and light jogging. This builds up a lot of wind so when you go to the gym to start lifting you will be toned and getting nauseous will not be the problem that most people will experience. I would do that for a 4 week hump. It’s amazing how fast you will start to notice a difference.
    On another note, Stew Smith has a 52 week program book on his site. I treated that as a bible and it put me back in great shape within 3 months. It also gives nutrition guidance that will tel you what to and not to eat. It’s awesome. His site is posted to the right.
    Hope that helps, pal!

  4. DC- I just found those. They rock!

  5. i used to work with a woman who ate a powerbar for lunch EVERY SINGLE DAY. and EVERY SINGLE DAY, she would have noxious gas all afternoon.

    that’s really the only thing i could think of to share on the topic.

  6. There’s no WAY that guy has a package that big! 😉

    I know when I was competing (Figure Fitness), I lived on protein shakes and got mighty sick of them, but they certainly came in handy. Great post

  7. So would you recommend any of this for fitness other than weight training? I exercise most days (running and rock climbing mainly) but don’t do any weight lifting mainly because I never really know what to do. Will any of the shakes or bars make a difference for me?

  8. Hi Scomerican Girl! The shakes and bars are good for either a quick pick me up or adding protein without ingesting a lot of food that is combined with fats and cholesterol. I am a big advocate for small amounts of protein frequently through the day.
    As far as weight training goes, I am for it. Especially as a rock climber. There are a lot of free weight exercises you can do with out much risk to flexibility and it will prevent injury for running. For great visual workouts you can shoot Stew Smith a quick email and he can point you in the right direction for those. He got me straight in no time flat. His email is on the link under my blogroll.
    If weight training isn’t for you either, I would stick to calisthenics. Push ups, pull ups, lunges, squat thrusts, ect…. I can send you some stuff if you want. Just email me,

  9. Cool, thanks! I’ve tried weight training many MANY times over the years but just felt like I wasn’t seeing any results and was sort of wasting my time. I know that’s totally because I have no real idea what I’m doing. I have some free weights in my house that I inherited from an ex boyfriend that are crying out to be used. I’ll try emailing Stew Smith and hopefully he can give me a little guidance!

  10. Yeah, he is awesome. You can get incredible results from just 3lbs weights. I have been brought to my knees by them. It’s all about high reps and light weight for definition. He is an amazing guy with incredible ebooks.

  11. OMG Who is that bolky as dude !
    Gee Hes The Man
    Anyone Got His Name To Look Him UP ?

  12. […] – bookmarked by 2 members originally found by dariusk on 2008-10-25 Sport Drinks, Protein And GU! – bookmarked by 1 […]


    Hey Waseem! I am almost positive he is computer generated. People can’t get quads like that. 😉

  14. ellow der mah namez lizzie and meh like too lick fitness tablets and meh like yew

  15. Good God–that is macabre!

    I’m 6’3″ tall, with a large frame. So most people can’t tell that I’m over a hundred pounds overweight. The weight gain is a side-effect of Seroquel (a psych-med that calms you down–but causes you to crave sugar like there’s no tomorrow, and to eat excessive portions of each meal (by shutting-off the part of your brain that tells you when you’re full)). With my doctor’s approval, of course, I’ve been lowering the dosage, little by little, and losing weight as a result.

    Anyway, I’d like to replace this fat with muscle– to have the body of a power-lifter (as opposed to that of a body-builder). But the dude in the photo (obviously a “compulsive” body-builder)–he’s built himself into a monster!

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